The lover I never had?

Series of writing from the heat of desire — 2012

I’ve been waiting for this moment to happen. Finally, you hold my glance. My heart burst. I know now you see the wide space of becoming…

Here I see, here I feel

In this dreamlike reality

Here I see your luminous skin

Here I feel my pounding heart

In this dreamlike reality

My fingers are wandering on your arm

My eyes are resting on your neck

Here I feel, here I live

The reality of this dream

Here I feel my burning desire

Here I live in an intangible moment

Touching your skin, breathing your scent, wetting your lips, sliding your thigh between my legs, holding your face within my hands, seeing the desire in your eyes, your breath lifting my hair, your tongue on my nipple and around my belly, on the edge of my swollen lips…is this only my reverie.

You’re pulling me into your wanting body, you’re sucking me out of my senses, and yet it’s all moulding into mist.

The craving is hollowing my body, the vibrancy is breathtakingly speeding my heartbeat, but you’re throwing an abyss in between.

This storm is transforming the landscape of my being, the intensity alters the pathways of my emotions, and I’m coming through in awe of this alchemy.

Torn between desire and grace, I always hope for a tangible moment. If only you could see what I see.

Shivering, helpless, with only my imagination throwing me in all kinds of directions, I live through the projection of every image I have of our unsubstantial story. Each of them plunges me into a variation of light and darkness. This desire I cannot and do not want to damp is giving me a familiar relation to life; a turmoil of excitement, craving and intensity I often stir within me. For now, I cannot renounce it. As blinded as I am, the empty space the absence of our story would leave is far scarier. Though I am newly learning about holy emptiness, my faith has yet to open my heart beyond the wanting.

Irrupting through consolidated pathways within the substance of my territory, the now-familiar, uneasiness of the sensation is reaching my senses before I identify the source.

Invading the intimacy of my inner fields, the trembling awakens my attention to the sheer rawness of the impression. Born into the chaos of fruitless encounters, the feeling has now a striking of its own.

Then bursting out of my memory, you behold.

The legacy of our intangible moments has left indelible trails of powder that any reminiscence ignites.

I don’t know how to define it, I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know what to do with it. It still fills me, wraps me and cracks me open. I cannot see clearly, I cannot avoid it, I cannot find the meaning in this hopeless rapture. What is it telling me?

The slow shiny body of the snake is rolling fluidly on my belly and down my legs, leaving a halo on my skin. Plunging in a boundaryless delight, my senses unite and my spirit reaches an unknown landscape where beings of light nourish my soul and lift my flesh to the clearest of vibrations.

Will you befriend the snake and join me in this territory of abundance where intimacy shapeshifts bodies into precious jewels and beautiful songs?

Come soon, my longing is ripe and my body is swollen with all the embraces I am holding back for you.